been listening to lots of new music today. on the docket so far has been Decemberists - hazards of love; Bon Iver - for emma, forever ago; and bonnie "prince" billy - master and everyone. All three have been simply amazing and I am happy about that. Got an old dylan album, radiohead album, beck, and band of horses coming up.
I didnt watch glee tonite until the very end because I was listening to the bon iver album. Yes, I can sit alone for an hour and just listen to music and do nothing at all. Among my other weird obsessions are watching behind the scenes of movies and watching them with the commentary on, robots and teddy bears.
played golf today, loved it. Dad joined for a few holes and just rode with. Came home, got in a good workout and moved some furniture around so now my room finally looks like a real room complete with a dresser and all...incredible since we've only been back in since april.
After listening to my new music, I caught the last part of biggest loser. Not to piggy back off too much of last nites post, but I pretty much cry every time I watch the show because I know those struggles. I remember how hard it was to be so over weight and not feel any thing good about yourself. I remember how hard it was the 1st day I went on the treadmill at my apartment complex and I could only jog for 4.5 minutes. Alot's changed but its a great show and they absolutely do wonders with the people for the rest of their lives.
I am an easy crier. Yes, I Luke Strader cry like a baby in many instances. Consider me the millenial male; tall, dark, handsome and emo...haha. I come from a family of people that ball. Pretty much any time my whole family gets together my mom will cry; if my dad hears "travelin solider" by dixie chicks; if my sisters just see any sad movie or dogs. I cry at silly things. I cry at the end of movies easily...jesus, i cried in armageddon for christ sakes, the end of braveheart everytime...and Rudy, dont even go there. One day in college I watched the ultimate iron man contest in Hawaii and the whole time they did specials on people in the race who had overcome cancer, ran for dead family members, were disabled veterans and so on...needless to say I cried for about 2 hrs straight. Anyone that is a UNC fan and saw the E60 report on Jason Ray, he was the UNC mascot that was killed by a out of control diver during the NCAA tourney a few years ago and he was an organ donor, his organs saved 6 or 8 people and they brought all of them together to meet his parents. One of the few times I remember sobbing, my dad called me on the phone in the middle of the show and he was balling too.
The weird thing is that I cry at all those moments, have no fear of showing my emotions, but in situations under extreme emotion I close up. When my dad almost died a few years ago and we said our good-byes I remember not crying for days. I didnt cry when our house burned. I dont cry at funerals or weddings. I dont know what the difference is, something in me shuts down. I can feel it happen too. I had a few break ups that the same thing happened, I just shut down. Its almost as if I get so emotional that my anger takes over and I cant cry, I get mad. Maybe thats something I should work on, but if you want to see me cry just play a really good song or a sad bastard movie.
Some new writing from an old place...
"I never lied to her
this wasnt something we'd die for
I'm not the man she needs to cry for
because I cant be her man anymore
her voice cracked
as I removed myself from her life
the salt in her tears
would be the last time she'd taste me
she stared at me with unfamiliar eyes
as i looked down at the floor
hanging my head under the weight
of realizing I didnt love her any more
there is nothing left to fight for
Someone else will love her more
I've realized that I cant be her man
some day soon she'll understand
that I was never good for her
But nothing between us was ever a lie
there was always a smile with each kiss
and with every fading memory she'll soon forget"
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