I havent written in over a month. Thats sad. Thats life.
I had this amazing thought that this may I will turn 26. 25 and under seems young, fresh, daring. 26 sounds stuck, boring, stop going to bars. I am opposed to many of these things and will probably always be the guy my friends girlfriends, fiance's, and wives worry about their men going out with.
I had my most adult moment the other morning. I have started a new job at a new hospital. Things are rough, the hours are long and there is always a lot of work to be done. My morning ritual has been the same since kindergarten. Wake up 40 min b4 I need to leave, microwave something for 30 sec, quick shower, brush teeth, dress and go.
but this whole work thing has changed this. I used to be allowed an hr or two to wake up before problems arrived by complaints and by email.
I have started to get up earlier. I run now(weather permitting) and spend a little more time just waking up.
But sometimes your alarm doesnt go off according to plan and shit happens.
So before Xmas I strolled up stairs, ate a cheeseburger and realized I was running about 20 minutes late. I ran downstairs and picked out my clothes and got into the shower.
Not many things cripple me beyond capacity but a nice hot shower does. I would take a bath every day if I had the tub big enough. So I stood there waking up, cleaning myself and like in American Beauty.."enjoying the highlight of my day"
I got out and wiped the foggy mirror and checked myself, noticed I still need to lose a few lbs and that my hair looked best after 2 days of not washing it.
I started to dry off and I got down to the nitty gritty bits between the legs only to realize that my balls were still soapy.
That was my "Wow" moment. I just stood there and looked in the mirror, covered in water and the shame of my dignity running in a soapy stream down from my crotch.
This is not the way you want to start your day. Its a sign that maybe hitting snooze and calling in sick would have been the best decision. But I didnt.
The person looking back at me all wet and soapy was the kid that died a few months ago. Those soapy balls were the death of my 5pm shadow, the death of my flip flops, the death of my 20 hr work week.
The guy looking back at me is supposed to be a grown up now. Major corporate job, health care, shirt and tie, full head of hair and very little debt.
But climbing back into the shower to rinse off it was all I could do but laugh. I have no shame in who I am, who I was and who I am going to be.
The next time you get soapy balls know that you are not alone.
