Marriage

Dont worry...everyone's doing it.

People are always gettin married.  I feel like I am at or in 3 weddings a summer.  Dont get me wrong, I love dressing up, eating someone elses food and drinking free booze.  its the other stuff that scares the shit out of me.

Maybe I am scared of Commitment.

But after years of not falling in love and hearing that "one day you'll find the right one" bull shit I just generally dont really care about getting married...or having kids but thats a whole different blog.

Now dont get me wrong, I am not opposed to marriage.  It sounds like a great idea.  Being so in love with someone you would want to spend the rest of your life with that person.  I have never had emotion anywhere close to that.  My two longest relationships have lasted 6-8 months.  (Sorry Whitney, apparently 7th/8th grade dont really count these days). 

I had my heart torn out of my chest in college, and I know everyone does, but for some reason I think it still hasnt resolved some trust issues I have with the opposite sex.  The whole relationship was my fault but you cant help who you fall in love with.  And after just losing 100lbs in college I didnt care that the 1st girl who told me I was attractive to my face was currently dating someone else.

I fell hard.  We are talking 1st love hard but I could never tell her and she only texted it to me. 

Needless to say, Im a bit gaurded.

I am 25.  I have friends that are already married, I have friends that are about to get married, and I have friends that like me dont know if they'll ever get married.

The best thing about the whole situation for me is that I have no pressure to get married.  My family is very laid back about the whole thing.  The joke of me being the last male Strader and passing on the family line doesnt really phase me any more, I could always adopt a child.

But what does it say about Marriage when almost everyone I know thats married for a little bit of time tells me to wait or dont ever get married?  Sometimes its a joke after dealing with the spouse in a situation that having a spouse would be taxing, but this has often crept up in serious coversations with close family and friends.


My lack of care about marriage comes as a result from two polar opposite situations.

my parents have been married for about a million years.  They have lived through 3 damn kids, lost jobs, lost dogs, lost houses, lost money.  There were times I thought they'd split, esp when you are a child and you hear a fight and it seems like every kid you meet in school has two sets of parents.  There are also times when I wondered why they were married at the same time.  But 30 some years is a lifetime to spend with somone.  The best peice of advice I ever got from my dad about marriage is to marry someone you can talk to when the sex is over.  It took me a long time to understand this, because when your 18 and full of lust this doesnt make sense.  But last weekend my parents just drove around and did nothing apparently.  And the fact that they are able to do that to this day is a little bit of hope.

The other side is divorce.  I have seen two people I love dearly suffer such immense pain from the hurt of love and marriage that it turned me off all together.  My sister and one of my best friends were married less than 6 months before both relationships crumbled.  And too be honest, in both cases I was absolutely floored.  There are many different angels to examine but just seeing their pain and comforting them through tears was enough to scare the hell out of me.  I saw two couples I thought were totally in love end so quick. 

I dont know if I am built for marriage and maybe one day Ill find out.  Yes, I have trust issues that have ruined past relationships.  But getting married any time soon seems absurd to me but who knows who I could meet tomorrow at lunch or next weekend.

I try not to rule out anything so I try to stay open to my options.  The idea sounds great but I know who I am and what I love.  Those three things are sports, movies, music.  Those are in no particular order.  Finding a girl that "gets" these things about me and takes part in them is really all I need.  I like to share my interests not just have them.  I love the exchange of ideas and creating new things as well.  I dont want to just have a movie room where I do shit alone and seperate from my wife/GF. 

and Yes, I know there are somethings I will have to bend on over time, but I think if I found the right girl that alot of this would be second nature.

I dont know much of love, but I am still looking and listening.  The rest can fucking wait.