Yes, I dont like christmas. The whole thing feels forced and since I dont believe in god or any of that stuff it just makes me feel icky.
I get called scrooge.
Last saturday nite was my Christmas Carol.
I had the weekend off. Planned a nice relaxing weekend in the Boro. Got onto facebook and saw that a friend of mine was getting married on saturday so I texted her congrats and she told me to come down and celebrate in chapel hill with lots of people I went to school with...and any one that knows me knows that I dont need an excuse to have a few free drinks.
So Im walking to the bar and bump into my best girl friend from college, she'd moved to alaska but with all great friends you just pick up where you left off. We get to the bar and order drinks and everyone's having a good time. I see the bride and have this moment of the ole what coulda been thing. She is the kinda girl everyone loves and that just rubs off on everyone.
Soon after that I a girl that I used to have a weird relationship with came in with her boyfriend. This girl and I had the whole "neither of us will break 1st" thing going on. We made out, had fun, talked, but neither of us would let our gaurd down. When we both started dating other people we both were weirded out but it was what it was. We stopped talking when about a year ago she called me sleazy. I may be, think what you will, but I dont think anyone I consider a friend or care about would call me that. So she walked in with her little BF and I'd realized that us not dating years ago worked out good for me. She looked unhappy, didnt stay long and left without good bye.
After the ghost of girlfriends past whisked me to another bar via another text. It was the 1st time we'd seen each other since we broke up, and yes, it was weird but how could it not be. We were both a little drunk, smiled and you could tell we were thinking about the good times. But there was nothing emotional for me there, no longing. I was happy she was doing well and dating someone new. I had a lot of fun with her and meant everything I said and did with her but some times love isnt enough. Our 1st break up was brutal and it was all my fault. But the 2nd go around I think we knew things just werent going to be the same. It was the best closure Ive had in a relationship and honestly the 1st girl I've been truly happy for as she moved on (yes, I used to be that shallow, but sometimes it takes a while to grow up)
Then a txt and whiskey swept me foreward in time and I met the potential future. Met a complete stranger at the previous bar and talked for an hour. We split up for a little bit and then met back up and dance, kissed a little bit and exchanged numbers at the end of the nite. It was one of those moments where youth just fills you up, that feeling of invincibilty found me.
In this storm of ex's and the future I felt perfectly centered, like all was right in the world. Ive stuggled alot in the last two years, graduating from college is the hardest thing I have ever done hands down. I see kids talking about leaving on Facebook and it kills me. Growing up aint all its cracked up to be. But there walking to my car in the cold I was smiling and felt at east with myself. At the end of the day I am the only person I need to make happy right now. That requires many things, from traveling across the states to watch football games, to going on dates, to just playing guitar. Some where in the past few years I havent been able to get all that together and last weekend was just about perfect in letting me know that I had hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment